Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi-This Can't Be Love
by Lesageroon519
Summary: I still can't think when I'm around him...I still can't be myself. I'm a nervous wreck. But, when he does that to me, I get mad! When he goes out with other people, I get mad! No...No...This Can't be love...
1. Chapter 1

Okay, soo..I just finished reading and watching Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi. It's. Amazing. I cant usually find good yaoi dramas, but this was FANTASTIC! I absolutely love it! You guys need to watch it!

Anyways :3 I'll be starting a story/fanfiction series on Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi. I really do hope you guys like it! I'm sorry I write multiple stories, I just wanna keep you guys entertained! You guys encourage me to write a lot, so I can't help it :D

So! Comment/review if I should start doing this story!

(DISCLAIMER! **I'M STILL WORKING ON** ** _LET ME LOVE YOU!_** **** **CHAPTER 10 SHOULD BE OUT BY WEDNESDAY!)**


	2. I don't love you

Okay! Here it is haha. I really really hope you guys enjoy. Sorry I do multiple stories at a time, I just want my readers and people to stay entertained with different stories:)))

(You MUST **WATCH THE ANIME TO THIS**. ITS. FUCKING. AMAZING.)

Anyways, here's the first chapter to: **Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi** \- _This Can't Be Love._

 _ **(DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN ANY CHARACTERS!)**_

 _*Oi =Hey_

 _*Hai = Yes_

 _*Nani = What_

 _*Baka = Idiot_

 _*Darame = Shut Up_

 _*_ _Anata wa totemo meiwakudesu = You're so Annoying_

* * *

From the first moment I stepped into this awful building, I knew I'd regret it. Even though It's been a year since I've started, it's still my version of a living Hell. Of course, I've gotten use to most things that go on around here. The cycles, the yelling and the arguing, the attitudes and the people.

"Oi!* RITSU!"

Well...not all of the people.

"OI!"

"Hai, Hai*, what do you want? I'm BUSY!"

"With what?! YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE!"

I sighed, slumping into my chair exhaustingly. "Why are you yelling?! Do you ever not yell at the office?"

"Of course," Takano said calmly, giving me his usual intense stare. I shook my head and averted my gaze, feeling Takano's stare on the back of my head. _Oooi, this is unfair! After such a long time, I still feel like this when we're alone! Why can't I just act normal-huh?! Why's my heart racing?! Why am I getting warm?!_ "Huh-TAKANO!"

His face was right next to mine, cheeks almost touching, only inches separating contact. His gaze was directed at the laptop's monitor. "Hai."

"YOU'RE TOO CLOSE! BACK AWAY BACK AWAY BACK AWAY!" I pushed myself away, only to be stopped by his arm. He pulled my chair closer, pointing to words on the screen.

"You can't use this."

"H-Huh? But-"

" _It lacks confidence and drama._ Fix it."

"Wh-Wh-Whaaaaa?! YOU WANT ME TO REDO ALL Of THE STORYBOARDS!"

"Yes. It's half assed, which isn't acceptable." His eyes burnt into mine. That solemn face made my heart race.

 _Oiiii, you can hear my heart! What if he hears it?! Stop it, stop it! Maybe he'll think it's his own heart and not mine. That's right! He admitted that his heart always raced whenever we were close! He'll think it's his!_

"Oi, Ritsu."

"Huh?"

He leaned closer, cupping my chin. Oh no, this is bad. Bad Bad Bad BAD! I have to stop this. What if Yokozawa walks in and sees? He'll hate me more and I don't want that! I look at Takano's face as he repeated my name. "Ritsu."

"Hai..?"

He slowly got closer, his lips inches away from my cheek as he whispered, "Your hearts too loud. You need to calm it down."

"..." _Oh….he heard-WAIT! I need to calm IT down!? I can't, that's impossible!_

"OOOIII! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I NEED TO CALM IT DOWN?!"

Takano sat back, pulling away from me. "It's annoying."

"ANNOYING?!" I..I was enraged at that idiot, not knowing what to say or do. He pissed me off. He did then, he does now and he will in the future. "Gahh, anata wa totemo meiwakudesu!"*

"Hm? It's not my fault you're irritating."

"Irritating? IRRITATING!? If I'm so damn irritating, Takano, then why do you keep bugging me?!"

"Huh?"

I quickly stood up and pushed my chair away. "You're the one that's always bugging me! You're the one that constantly flirts with me and won't leave me alone! You can easily leave me alone! Can't you get a clue! I'm always pushing you away and telling you to back off! Don't you get it! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" _Crap._

Takano's eyes widened as he inhaled sharply. I was panting, trying to catch my breath. I knew i messed up by saying that last part. I knew I just fucked up. I knew I did! His eyes showed an emotion that I had never seen from him and my heart swelled with guilt and regret. Takano's face darkened as he looked down. His knuckles had turned white due to his grip on the arms of his swivel chair.

"Takano-"

" _Damare!"*_

"Huh?'

" _Damare!..._ d..damare.." He stood up and grabbed his bags, leaving his coat on his chair. "Get out of my way," he demanded, pushing me aside as he hastily left the building.

"W-wait! Takano!" I stood here, thinking of what I just did. Would this affect me negatively in the future? Or...would it benefit me? I guess….it would be fine. He probably won't talk to me anymore, which will finally let me concentrate on work. But, no matter what I told myself, I knew I fucked up. He didn't deserve that….. My eyes widened as I realized something. _Was...what Yokozawa said...true? Am….am I leading Takano on?_

 _*_ _ **flashback; 4 weeks ago***_

I hurried onto the elevator and sighed as it slowly began to close.

"Wait, I need on."

My gaze shifted towards the voice of the sales manager. _Great_. I frowned and looked away as he stood behind me.

"Masamune spoke to me."

I inhaled sharply, already feeling teary eyed. _He called him by his first name again…._ "Oh."

"He told me to leave you alone. I won't stop trying to win his affections, but I will keep my promise and leave you alone."

The elevator opened and Yokozawa stepped out. "I looked over your report. It's good."

"huh?" I ran out and stopped behind him. "Th-thank you, Mr. Yokozawa!"

"Don't thank me. Dealing with these subjects, I'll support you." He looked away from me. "It's my job." He stood up straight and faced me. "Onodera. Do you love Masamune?"

I froze and stared at the ground. _Do I love Takano? No, that's impossible. But. Last night...I willingly slept with him….willingly touched him….willingly….kissed him. This Can't be love. I won't allow it to be, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I know I do! I do love him and I've never stopped!_ I looked up at Yokozawa. "Y...yes."

"Hm. I don't know what your intentions are with Masamune, but, from my viewpoint of things, you're just leading him on; giving him hope he has a chance. If you hurt him, I'll take him away from you." And with that, he spun around and left.

 _ ***present***_

No...maybe...I am leading him on…..I mean….last night we...we were kissing as if we'd never see each other again. And now?...I told him I want nothing to do with him.

"Chikushō!"*

"Eh? Onodera?"

I looked behind me and saw Yokozawa. He was holding his jacket and bag, staring at me tiredly.

"Yokozawa? Why are you here?"

He yawned. "Work. I decided to catch up on work since I won't be in for 3 days."

I gasped in surprise. "Wh-Where are you going?"

He scratched his head then folded his arms. "Takano contacted me 4 minutes ago asking if I'd go to the hotsprings with him in the morning. It was sudden, but I'd like a break."

 _Takano….asked Yokozawa to go to the hotsprings with him for...three days?! Is he trying to make me mad? ...no….Takano isn't like that..not at all.._

He began staring at me through narrowed eyes. He lazily walked over to where Takano left his jacket. "Why are you here so late?"

"Huh?"

He sighed and glanced at me from over his shoulder. "Why are you still here?"

"O-oh. I had some storyboards to go over and fix.."

He walked towards me and nodded. "Head home and get some rest." He disappeared around the corner. I frowned, just noticing something. _Why was Yokozawa on this floor? He doesn't work on this floor….did….did Takano tell him to get his jacket?_

"?!" I frustratingly shook my head. "Gahh, why do I care! It's none of my business...but...I feel like I should apologize for what I said…" I Grabbed my bag and put on my jacket and scarf, then I got into the elevator and ran to the apartments.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe...it was a mistake? No no..it..it was good..right? No. It was bad. I can't even bring myself to knock on the door or to ring the bell!? _Oi, Ritsu. I have an idea, yeah? Why don't you just walk into your own apartment and leave him alone, yeah?_ "No," I whispered. "No, no more running…" I wouldn't allow it this time. Not again.

I sighed as I inhaled a quick breath. _Here it goes._ I stared at the door and held my breath, then reached out my hand and knocked on the door once.

…..

 _Hm.._ I knocked on the door for the second time.

…..

I frowned. "Takano! Oi, Takano, open up!" I continued knocking on the door, almost violently. I froze as I heard a scoff from behind me. I spun around and saw Takano standing behind me with a grocery bag. A glare was set on his face as he stared at me, his eyes intense and….unwelcoming. I gulped, not liking his stare.

"Takano…-"

"Hai. What do you want?" he spat harshly.

"I...I.." I looked away with a frown. "Where were you? I've been knocking on your door for a while."

"Five minutes isn't 'awhile', Onodera." He walked to his door and opened it, then walked inside, leaving the door opened. He took off his shoes and slipped on his slippers, looking over his shoulder. "Are you just going to stand there or come in?"

"Hai, uh, of course.." I stepped into his apartment and took off my shoes. I followed him into his kitchen and sat on a chair. Takano set the bags near the sink and removed his personal bag. His solemn expression wasn't on his face, which was unusual for him. I couldn't tell if he was mad, sad, happy or emotional. I hated not being able to read his expressions. It bugged me to an extent that actually drove me crazy!

"Um, Takano..?"

"Hai?"

"I...I'm sorry."

He turned to look at me. "Eh? Sorry?"

I glared at him. Was...what I said not offensive to him? Did it really not bug him? But….if it didn't bug him...why was I so bothered by it? I shouldn't be bothered by it..It doesn't seem like as big of a deal as I thought it would be. "For what I said at the office.."

"Ah, What part are you sorry for?" He turned towards his sink and began washing dishes. "The part where you were yelling or the part where you were being over dramatic?"

He really isn't bothered by what I told him. But….Why did he act that way then..? "For..saying the things I said."

"What things?"

I glared at him angrily. "You know what? Never mind. This was a waste of my time, _baka!"_ I turned around and began to walk, but was stopped by a hand grabbing my elbow.

"Ritsu." I was turned around and slammed into a wall. My eyes focused on the chest in front of me. A hand guided my eyes to look at its owner and a blush covered my face as he got closer, causing our noses to touch. I tried looking away, but his hand refrained me from doing so. "Ritsu."

"Oi, baka, let me go!" I struggled in his grip. "Takano, let me go." I tried shoving him away, but it only made his grip tighter. I pulled my hand free and next thing I knew, Takano's eyes were widened and he was standing two feet away from me, holding his cheek. He looked up at me, surprised. I couldn't quite believe what I had done either. Whatever this was…..Whatever I had done…..I could already tell it only made things worse.

"Takano, I-"

"Darame….darame, Onodera." He looked up at me. "Why did you hit me?"

"Y-you wouldn't let me go. I...I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to do that.." I shook my head. "I..I really didn't mean to! I'm...I'M SORRY!" I spun around and darted out of the the house, picking up my shoes on the way out, slamming the door closed behind me. I reached in my pockets and pulled out my keys, then quickly unlocked my door. As soon as I stepped in, I locked my door and stood with my back pressed against it. My eyes shut tightly, wanting to forget that I had just hit Takano. _What the Hell? He didn't deserve that, did he? No, he didn't! What was wrong with me….._

"Shit…." Shaking my head, I slid down so that I was sitting on the cold wooden floor. It was dark and felt chilly, as if I were in an icy Wonderland, yet there was no sign of cold anywhere to be seen. I relaxed my head against the door and frowned, feeling teary eyed. _Why...why did I feel so complicated and confused? Why didn't I like seeing him sad? Why was I bothered by his plans to go to the hotsprings with Yokozawa for three days? This...it couldn't possibly be love. I don't love Takano….I..I don't love Masamune Takano…._

* * *

 _The sun was shining and the cherry blossoms were floating to the ground. There was a light breeze that flowed throughout the sky, blowing barely visible clouds around. I sat in the library, my hands between my legs, gripping the cloth of my pants, nervous of the person next to me._

' _it's alright, Ritsu. Stay calm…'_

" _Oda, that's incorrect. You're not doing it right. "_

" _Ah! S-sorry, Senpai!" I quickly erased the work on my paper. 'this happens every time! I'm too distracted by him!'_

 _I sighed as I looked down at my smudgy paper. "Dangit…"_

 _A hand settled on my shoulder. "Let's be done for the day, Oda." Senpai stood up and picked up his jacket. I quickly got up and closed my books, shoved them in my bag and followed Saga-Senpai. We walked in silence as we exited the school library. He stared in front of him with his hands shoved into his pockets. His hair lightly waved as the cool breeze swept through it._

" _S-Senpai?"_

" _Hai."_

" _Why aren't your parents ever home?"_

 _He stopped walking and looked at me. "My mom's a lawyer and my father works in the medical field." He sighed and continued walking._

" _At least you have your cat to keep you company, Senpai, haha." I smiled and he looked at me. A blush crept across his face and his eyes slightly widened. He quickly looked away._

" _I guess."_

" _Hm? Why's that?"_

" _I'm more thankful I have you to keep me company, Oda."_

" _Wh-what are you talking about? D-Dont say that, Saga-Senpai…" I looked away and went to fold my arms, but I stopped as fingers slid in between mine, holding my hand softly. I turned my gaze to Senpai and blushed. "S-Senpai-"_

" _Sh. Stop talking." He pulled me closer and let go of my hand only to wrap his arm around my shoulder. "Come over tonight."_

" _Huh? Wh-why? I.i don't think I can, I mean I have a lot of homework and I'm not sure my parents would allow it and-"_

 _His lips smashed against mine. My eyes stayed opened as he pulled away. He tapped on his tongue. "Oda, don't squeeze your lips so tight together."_

" _O-oh! Yes, I'm sorry!" I looked away. "I-Ill come over, I suppose.."_

" _Great."_

 _We walked silently again as we approached his house. This would be my third time going to his house, and it felt like the first. Every Time felt like the first time...every kiss felt like the first. Every hug, touch and word felt like the first. Was I really that in love with Senpai?_

 _We walked inside and I took my shoes off and headed to his room. He closed his door and looked at me. I held my bag and sat on the edge of his bed._

" _Oda…" I looked up as he called my name. He knelt in front of me and cupped my chin, pulling me closer to him and connecting our lips. I closed my eyes and sighed as i loosened my mouth, not wanting it to be too tight. As soon as I did this, Saga-Senpai's tongue rubbed against my lips. Catching me by surprise, I tightened my lips once more. He pulled away and tapped his tongue._

" _Oda-"_

" _I-I know! S-sorry…" I frowned. "I...I'm still getting use to this…."_

 _He pulled my chin towards him and kissed me again, lightly nibbling on my bottom lip. I slowly relaxed, barely parting my lips. I inhaled sharply and gripped Senpai's shirt, pulling him closer. He grabbed my hands and released his shirt from my grasp, placing my hands on the buttons of his shirt. Was he indicating me to unbuttoned them? Even if he wasn't, that's exactly what I did. Slowly, my fingers fumbled with the buttons of his white dress shirt while he squeezed my lower thigh. His hand slid up and I gasped, quickly pulling away._

" _Oda-"_

" _S-sorry, Saga-Senpai…" Even though it wasn't the first time, it still felt like it. I was just as nervous as the first time and just as scared...but why?_

 _Saga-Senpai chuckled and pinned me to the bed. He trapped my legs beneath him as he put one leg on each side of my thighs. He held both of my wrists, with one hand, above my head and his free hand pulled my face closer as he kissed me. I closed my eyes as he slowly pulled. I felt his breath against my neck and I opened my eyes. His face was buried in my neck as one of his hands softly caressed my head._

" _Oda…" He pulled away and stared down at me. I blushed as his cheeks turned pink. "Oda-"_

" _I love you, Saga-Senpai," I said as I kissed him._ _ **"I'm inlove with you, Senpai."**_

* * *

"...Uh..huh?"

"Onodera, wake up!"

I looked up and rubbed my eyes. _Huh...guess I fell asleep by the door._ I sat up, rubbing my eyes. There was a knock on my door. No, not a knock, a pounding. I rubbed my head and stood up. My back was sore and my neck ached badly. My hand reaches the handle and I opened the door, seeing Takano. He was folding his arms frustratingly, tapping his foot.

"Hai..?"

"It's time to get up," he said angrily.

 _Get up?_ I took my phone out and looked at the time. _Fuck. I'm 3 hours late for work!_ "Shit…"

Takano handed me a stack of papers. "I won't be in for some days, so I need you to look over these then leave them on my desk. Go over each one no less than three times, understood?"

"THREE TIMES?!" I sighed and took the stack of paper. "Baka*…..Fine. where are you going?"

"I'm going to the hotsprings," he said as I turned around to take my jacket off. I froze. _That's right...him and Yokozawa are going to the hotsprings….for three days… alone.. "Oh.."_

Takano nodded and stared at me. _"Ritsu."_

I looked at him and yelped. He was a couple centimeters away from my face and I blushed. He kissed me passionately, then pulled away, walked out and left. I stood there in shock. I didn't quite understand why I was shocked. He always kissed me without out telling me he was planning to. _Hm...doesn't matter. I need to get to work._ I shook my head and sighed, putting my jacket back on and picking my bag up. "I don't have enough time to change. I need to hurry."

I stepped out and locked my door, but froze as I heard Yokozawa and Takano. I looked to my right and saw Yokozawa holding a luggage of some sort. Takano shook his head as Yokozawa murmured something. A smile appeared on Takano's face. Why was seeing someone else make him smile making me so upset? Was it because I wanted to make him smile? Make him laugh? Make him…. _happy?_

Uhg. No. I shook my head and tried to quickly walk past the two.

"Of course not, why would such thing intimidate me? Are you trying to make me jealous?"

My ears perked up at Yokozawa's question. _What's Takano going to say?_

"I might. Even if I am, it wouldn't matter. "

 _Oh…._ I quickly entered the elevator. Takano looked at me as I rapidly pushed the button for the two doors to close. _Hurry up for God's sake!_ The doors closed and I sighed. Was...was Takano trying to make Yokozawa jealous somehow? What was he doing? Why was he doing it? Was I just a toy to him? I might be….he doesn't like me, nor love me. But…...it shouldn't matter because I hate him. Hate everything about him. He's annoying and a mistake. I should've never stayed. It was all a mistake..

I got out of the elevator and ran to the train that would take me to work. I got on and sat down before it could get too crowded. Looking out of the glass window, I thought of the dream I had the previous night. _Why was I dreaming about Takano….it seemed more like a memory than a dream since I called him…._ _ **Saga-Senpai**_ _…...yes. it was a memory. I remember it clearly now even though I was trying to push back into the deepest parts of my mind._ The train stopped and I quickly got out and ran to the building. I entered and was greeted by Yoshino. He smiled warmly. _Why's he so happy today?_

"Nē*, Ritsu!"

I nodded in response. "Hey, Yoshino."

We both stepped into the elevator. He looked at me. "You're here quite late, Onodera."

"I woke up late."

He giggled. "Did you not take a shower?"

I frowned and had a tendency to hit him in the head with my bag. "Darame."

He laughed and we both exited the elevator. Over the past year, the famous shoujo mangaka had been visiting very often. At first, he didn't ever show his face, but he usually came only to talk to Hatori. Over the visits, we had became really close friends. I was even able to be one of his editors due to his request. He told me a lot of things as our friendship grew. He told me about his past, how long he's been a Manga artist and about his... _relationship._ I soon figured out why he came to visit Hatori a lot. _They were together._ I was surprised when he mentioned it. He didn't mean to, it had just slipped out.

"Oi, Ritsu."

"Nani*?"

"Is it bothering you that Takano won't be here?"

And, in return to match his embarrassment, I told him about my past relationship with Takano. I also told him about the things happening between us currently.

"I hate to admit it," he said, "but it does sound like you reciprocate his feelings."

 _Pft. Yea right. Even he says I'm in denial with my feelings towards Takano._

"No. Why would I be?"

"Well. He is going to the hotsprings with someone who has deep feelings for him."

"If he wants to play a jealous game, he can go ahead and do that, but I won't let it affect me." I folded my arms in disappointment. _I really shouldn't participate in it._

"I say you go for it," he said as we entered the office. Hatori sat in his usual spot, looking over Yoshino's storyboards. He looked up and smiled as we entered.

"Tori," Yoshino said. "If someone were to make someone else jealous on purpose, would the other person have the right to do the same?"

Taken back, Hatori frowned. "Why do you ask?"

"Problems have arose and I must help a friend!" he said enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as Hatori looked at me.

"I, personally, wouldn't do it. But I'm guessing you're talking about Takano. Well, in your case, I would. He plays with your feelings all the time, so it shouldn't hurt messing with his."

I shook my head. "No. I'll pass."

"Awe, come on! Do it! You're not a toy, Ritsu!" Yoshino smiles brightly. "I'll help out. Hatori and I will find someone to take you to the hotsprings and make Takano jealous!"

"Nani?! Now of course not-"

Yoshino grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "I'm helping you whether you like it or not, okay?"

I sighed and nodded. "Fine…" Why was I letting something as stupid as jealously making me do this? This Can't Be jealousy, but it it's not, then what is it? What could it possibly be? I don't like Takano. I don't love him. I don't feeling anything towards him, do I? Of course not.

 _Jealousy..._ It's not jealousy, it's me being upset because he's always messing with my emotions, putting false hope into my head…

 _Hope…._ _ **fuck.**_

 _This Can't be love._


	3. Bad Idea

_**I hope you all enjoy!**_

*Watashi wa shittode wanaidesu = I am not jealous

* * *

 _What. The Hell. Did I get myself into?_

I stood by Yoshino, who sat on the couch, waiting. _This is fucking ridiculous. Out of all people, he wants to ask_ _ **him?!**_

"Ooi, Chiaki," a voice said, breaking the silence. Yoshino looked up and grinned.

"Yuu! What took you so long?"

Yanase walked in with his arms folded behind his head. His eyes were narrowed as he stared at me. I had met Yanase a couple of times previously. Yoshino introduced us. He was one of the Mangaka artists for Yoshino.

"Well, you called while I was working." He plopped down on the couch across from Yoshino, not taking his eyes off of me. I blushed, looking away. _His stare's making me uncomfortable._ "What do you need?"

Yoshino grinned. "Well, we're trying to make someone jealous."

Yuu chuckled and he nodded in my direction. "I'm guessing Onodera is having some problems again?"

I frowned. "I'm not having any problems. I'm perfectly fine. This isn't my idea-"

"Calm down, young one," Yuu laughed. "Don't get all offensive about it." He smiled. "Okay. I understand. Takano's being an ass, correct? Messing with all your feelings and what not?"

I answered by rolling my eyes. Yuu frowned. "Being in denial won't help you, it'll only make it worse, trust me." He sighed as Yoshino frowned in his direction. "Where do I come in in all of this?"

Yoshino clapped. "Takano and someone else are going to the hotsprings and I figured that if he's trying to make Ritsu jealous, he has the right to do the same-"

"I still don't get why I have to participate in this," I butted in. "I'm not even jealous and I don't even care. We aren't together and I feel nothing but hate towards him." I puffed out air. "I don't get why everyone thinks I feel the same about him as he does me."

Yanase looked at me. "When you act like this, it gives off the impression you care since you get so offensive about it."

"I GET OFFENSIVE ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE!" I rolled my eyes once again and mumbled, " _Baka."_

Yoshino giggled. "Whatever, Ritsu. Anyways, that's beside the point. I need you to...um, uh…." He scratched the back of his head. "Um...I want you to go to the hotsprings with Onodera…."

Yanase rolled his head back as he laughed. Acting as to wipe a tear away, he said, "Don't be ridiculous, Chiaki."

Yoshino frowned. "Please, Yuu? Please! I….I'll go on 1 date with you if you go with Ritsu."

"..." Yanase looked at me. I glared at him, shaking my head. _Don't agree to it! Don't agree, please, for the love of God, don't!_

"What about Hatori?"

"I already talked to him about it. Yea, he got mad, but the date won't, like, be romantic or anything. No kissing and NO touching."

Yanase sighed. "Fine. Fine. When do we leave?"

Hatori walked in and frowned. It went silent. There was tension, but not the bad kind. More like...the embarrassing kind. Just realizing that this whole time we were talking in the lounge, I blushed, shaking my head violently. Someone could've easily heard us! Maybe they got the wrong idea!? The RECEPTIONIST HEARD EVERYTHING! I spun around to see that there was no one there. _Where'd she go?_

"She did not come to work today. She stayed home sick," Hatori replied as he chuckled. "So. Is everything planned?"

Yoshino smiled as he stood. "Yeah! It's all great!" he looked at me. "Hatori and Kisa will take care of your work, so don't worry!"

Yuu stood. "When do we leave-"

"Today! Come on, I'll go to your apartment and help back a small bag for you, then we'll meet up at Yuu-san's house, okay?"

"Nani?! Why my house?!" Yuu argued.

"Because that's where he wants to meet," Hatori said solemnly. Yanase glared at him and rolled his eyes.

"I didn't asked you, Tori, but whatever. I'm leaving." He walked passed me and Yoshino. "See ya both in a bit."

* * *

Seeing as how I forgot to straighten up my room, I began to sulk, feeling embarrassed that Yoshino had seen my messy room. I shook my head and rummaged through the messy pile of clothes that stacked on my floor. Yoshino began putting random clothes in my black bag, talking to me. I didn't quite hear him. Infact, I tuned him out while thinking about how awkward it would be for me to see Takano there with Yokozawa. Just the thought of it made me uncomfortable and...sad? Mad? Why was I getting mad just because he went to the hot springs with Yokozawa? I knew. It was because he didn't tell me _where_ he was going or _who_ he was going with. Then again, I didn't need to know. His personal life was absolutely none of my business, so why was I acting like a tsundere about it?

"...or perhaps you'll catch him in the act...the more I think about this and discuss it, the more I start to think that it was a bad idea planning this out. Maybe I was...a little over dramatic." He looked up at me as he closed my bag. "Naaani! You weren't even listening to me, baka!"

"Huh-What? What makes you say that!"

Yoshino picked up a balled sock and threw it at my head. "You were just standing there! You spaced out."

"S-Sorry.." I blushed and looked away. "I was thinking."

"I could tell. You were pretty deep in thought. " he smiled at me. "Can I tell you something?"

I nodded. "Hai."

Chiaki sat on the edge of my bed and smiled sadly. "When the whole love triangle thing was happening to me, I had the wrong idea. I thought Yanase and Hatori we dating, or liked each other…"

"Huh?" I sat next to him. "Why?"

"I was on my way home when it started raining. I stopped against a store to dry off, then I went to turn the corner and saw Hatori and Yanase. Hatori...yelled at Yanase, then pulled him towards him. I thought they kissed." He scratched the back of his head. "I never found out what actually happened. Anyways, I thought that Hatori and Yanase had a thing, then I thought Hatori liked me while Yanase liked him. I was wrong again. It's real easy to pick up the wrong impression, so-" he patted my back with a warm smile "-so be calm if you see anything and politely ask for an explanation."

I nodded with a blush. "Thanks, Yoshino…" I hugged him in a friendly manner. He hugged back, then pulled away. "Come on. Let's get going."

* * *

We were at the train station with Yanase. He was arguing with Yoshino about what kind of date they were going to go on when he got back. _Why the hell am I so stupid? I could've easily locked Yoshino out of my house and told him I didn't want anything to do with this. Why am I agreeing with It? I'm just checking up on him, that's all. Not to catch him doing anything wrong...it wouldn't be counted as wrong, though, since he was a free...single man that could do what he wanted._

"This is very unlike you, Onodera."

I turned to my right to see Hatori folding his arms. "You don't think I know that?"

"..I know you know that, that's why I'm surprised you're still going along with it."

"I'm just checking on him to make sure he isn't, ya know, dead or something. If something happens to him, we get more work."

"If you wanted to check on him, you could've simply called him. You don't need to go. It isn't like you to let jealousy drive you to this extent-"

"Watashi wa shittode wanaidesu*!" i yelled, balling my fists angrily. Hatori shook his head.

"One piece of advice: if you see Takano with Yokozawa, don't flip out. Like you said: _You feel nothing towards him_."

I stared at Hatori. He was right. If I ended up seeing those two together, I shouldn't get mad or upset. If I did, there was clearly something wrong with me. "Hm."

"Onoderaaaaa!" Yoshino called out. "The train's about to leave! Hurry!"

I bowed quickly, saying farewell to Hatori, the running to where Yoshino and Yanase were. Yoshino smiled, looking slightly sad. He gave me a hug. "Be careful, okay? Goodluck, and remember: don't assume anything, okay?" He let go of me and patted my back then gave Yanase a quick hug. Yanase pushed me into the train and we sat down on an empty seat. He sighed and looked at me.

"So, what's the plan?"

"P-plan?" I looked back at him. "I don't have a damn plan, none of this was even my idea!"

Yanase rolled his eyes. "You're telling me that, for 4 hours, you haven't thought of anything?"

I blushed. _I...I guess I did. But, it wasn't a plan. I was just thinking in general, so that shouldn't count, right?_

"Don't worry," he said as he ruffled my hair. "I have a plan."

"A...A plan?" Bit my lip. "Wh-what plan?"

Yanase chuckled and stretched with a small yawn. "So, I was thinking, they're either in the hot spring or the private drinking rooms. SO, we just need to go to one of those…..You..aren't trying to make him jealous, are you?"

"M-me? NO! Uhf, why would I waste my time trying to show or act out fake emotions."

"I don't really think you need to act out on your jealousy. It comes naturally."

I slapped him on the back of the head. "DARAME! I am _NOT_ jealous!"

Yanase shook his head and sighed. "Whatever."

I folded my arms and sunk into my seat. This couldn't be jealousy. Why, of all people in the world, would I be jealous from Takano being with Yokozawa? Just the thought of it disgusted me! We're both guys, so it obviously wasn't meant to be. It's not fate that brought us back together, it was just a coincidence; nothing big. Was fate even a real thing? It couldn't be. If it were, wouldn't it have brought us together sooner? _Why do I keep saying "together"? There is no together when it comes to us. There….there never was and there never will..._ I began thinking about my highschool days, when Takano was my Senpai. It was a week before we…"broke up"...We were at his house….

" _Saga-Senpai," I breathed as he grunted lightly. His cool eyes looked down at my figure._

" _Oda…" He moved inside of me, causing me to lightly moan. I struggled to hold on longer, but it just wasn't working. I clawed at the covers as he buried himself inside me, releasing his love. He stayed hovered over me for a couple minutes, staring down at my face while stroking my cheek. "Oda…"_

" _Senpai.." I stared into his eyes, seeing the happiness in his irises. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes and I looked away. Soft hands wiped the tears away._

" _Oda, what's wrong?"_

" _I...I...I'm sorry. I didn't meant to start crying, it's just...I..I'm so…."_ _ **I'm so inlove with you.**_ _"I…...Senpai, I.."_ _ **I want you forever.**_ _"I just love you so much, Saga-Senpai.."_

 _He smiled lightly and chuckled. "Oda, you should wake up."_

 _ **Hm?**_

I opened my eyes, blinking rapidly. Yanase was lightly shaking me by my shoulders. "Onodera, wake up. We're here."

"I fell asleep?"

Yanase nodded and picked up both our bags. I stood up lazily, following him out of the train and to the destination. On our walk, Yanase looked at me. "So, here's my plan. We come here, just as friends of course, and you have a secret crush on me and-"

"NANI!? Nuh uh! I'm not pretending I have a thing for you!"

"Fine, fine. I'll be the one who secretly likes you. I'd be better at it anyways…." He cleared his throat. "Anyways, I have a secret crush on you, and what was suppose to be a peaceful break turns out to be one hell of a ride because we bump into "you know who", who will most likely be more than surprised to see you. After we see them, we invite them to go to the sushi bar with us. Then, we'll see where it goes from that, kay?"

I frowned. I didn't want to do this, not at all. It seemed so wrong, but...why wasn't I backing out? I could've left any moment; said I wanted nothing to do with it. But….I still stuck around. WHy the Hell did I stick around? The truths sickened me. I _wanted_ to see Takano's reaction when he saw me with another man. Why did I want to see his reaction? I wanted to see if he got jealous, but I wasn't trying to make him jealous. If I wasn't trying, the why did I want it to happen so badly? This wasn't going to end well. It would end bad. So terribly bad. If I knew the consequences and knew it would end bad, why did I stick around? _I should leave right now. I need to leave right now._

"Here we are. Our private room."

 _Leave right now, Ritsu._

"I'll set your bag by the table."

 _Dart out the door._

"I'll fetch our robes so we can head to the bath house," Yanase said as he disappeared.

"This should be exciting…" i whispered to myself. Yanase reappeared with two thin white robes. He handed me one, then turned around and began removing his clothes.

"!" I quickly faced away from him. _I saw his butt! Fuck, why?! I didn't want to see a butt today. God, not today…_ My blush only got brighter as I heard his voice call over his shoulder.

"Sorry. 'Shoulda warned ya."

"Y-Yeah, you should've.." I gulped and stood still. _Does he want me to change right here in front of him?! I sure as Hell hope not!_ I walked towards a separate room and Yanase said, "here ya going?"

"To change."

He groaned, clearly annoyed. "You're worse than Chiaki when it comes to embarrassment, Onodera."

I turned around to glare at him, but froze as i saw him. He was barely tying his robe with a black, silk like ribbon. His chest barely showed and i turned back around, quickly sliding the door closed. I stripped from my clothes, sliding of my boxers.I turned facing the door and picked my robe back up.

"Oi, Ritsu, didn't you have another bag-"

" _ **!**_ _"_ My face got hot and Yanase's eyes widened as a pink rosey shade spread across his cheeks. I covered my lower half with the robe and threw my shoe at his head. "GET OUT!"

He quickly slammed the door closed. I held the robe tightly against me body as i felt the heat from my face slowly cool down. I rapidly slipped the robe on and tied it, then opened the door to find Yanase sitting on the floor laughing. He was covering his eyes, shaking his head. "You should've seen your face!"

I walked over to him and popped him on top of his head. "Baka! You knew I was getting changed! You're a perv!"

His laughter slowly came to a stop as he looked at me. He reached into his bag and pulled out a sketchbook and a pencil. He flipped it open, looked at me then began drawing.

"Wh-what are you doing-"

"Don't move," he said, fully concentrated. "I don't usually draw anyone but Chiaki, but I wanna draw you in that pose. Don't move."

"Hai hai, I heard you the first time." I faced away, trying to hide my blush. I glanced at his face, which was full of concentration. His tongue lightly stuck out as he drew each feature and detail onto his paper.

"There." He closed the book, stood up and grinned. "Let's go,"

We both exited the house and made our way to the bath house. When we entered, there were only three people in there. I sighed. _Great. I need to get naked infront of everyone now._ We entered a small closet like room where people's robes were hanged up. Yanase removed his robe and placed it on a hook. I stared at the robes, not wanting to take mine off. This wasn't my first time at a bathing house but I felt somewhat uncomfortable from when Yanase had seen me naked.

"Hurry up," he said as he tugged on the tied ribbon. I slapped his hand away and glared. "No. I..I don't want to."

"I'll tickle you if you don't."

Taken back, I blush and inhale sharply, "Wh-What- _!"_ Before I could finish my sentence, his hands attacked my sides, sending chills throughout my body. Angrily, i tried pushing him away, but he just gripped onto my robe, lightly tugging it.

"Yanase, let go!"

"No. Take it off or I'll do it for you."

"N-No!"

" _Fine._ " One hand gripped the ribbon and pulled it hard while the other hand tugged on my waist, bringing me closer. I fell over his arm, so it looked like he was trying to spank me, and i gasped as i felt the ribbon become undone and fall to the ground, causing my robe to become loose. Where my chest and his arm met, my robe was bunched up, pulling it off my right leg, exposing part of my butt. I could tell my face was red as a tomato and as hot as the sun as Yanase looked down at me with a calm, mono-toned face. I was too embarrassed to do anything. I wanted to cry, yell, kick and scream, but there was no point in doing that. It wouldn't solve anything.

"Yanase-"

" _Ritsu."_

I looked towards the door and my heart began to beat rapidly as my breath caught in my throat. "Takano…"


	4. Regret

_**So, the first 2 people to comment, I'll draw them a pairing of whoever you want! Okay?**_

 _ **Kay. I hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

Incidents happen. Yeah, of course they do, all the time. Embarrassing moments happen all the time. Happy and adoring moments happen all the time. Everyone experiences these emotions and moments more than once in their entire lifetime. Not everyone experiences death more than once though, not like I did. My heart sunk to my stomach and I couldn't breath for 5 whole minutes. The shock that overwhelmed me was also tearing me into two separate people: a person who wanted to run away and a person who wanted to die.

The longer I stayed there, the harder it was for me to breathe. This feeling...this deep pit in my being...I had never felt something so awful before…..never. I could've prevented all of this embarrassment if I hadn't gone along with such a dumb plan. _I'm so fucking dead._

"Oi, Masamune."

My eyes darted to the door as Yokozawa entered, holding an extra towel. Takano stood still for a few more seconds, then turned to Yokozawa and took the towel.

"Thanks."

Yokozawa noticed me and an immediate glare settled on his face. I quickly stood up straight, holding my robe together. Yanase stared at the two taller males as if they had just interrupted some important business.

"Oi, Takano, I...um.."

"Why aren't you at work?" He asked blandly. I frowned at him as he dried his hair off with a towel. "I asked you a question, Onodera."

"I-"

"Kitsa and Hatori are filling in for him," Yanase replied as he folded his arms. His whole person seemed to change. His happy smile was no longer on his face and, instead, was replaced by an unpleasant frown that held more danger than his eyes. "Ah, I noticed Onodera working extra hard this morning when I went looking for Yoshino." His goofy smile reappeared as he slung an arm across my shoulders, pulling me towards him in a half hug. "He deserves more credit than what you guys give him. Give him some vacation time."

"..." Takano looked uncomfortably at Yanase's arm. Was he...getting mad about it?

"I took him here since he had no one else to go with."

""He could've gone with Yoshino-"

"-He was busy," Yanase replied quickly, cutting Takano off. I looked at Yokozawa, who looked as if he would stab both of us any moment. I blushed, noticing Takano's stern gaze on my face.

"I-it's getting late. We should head back-"

"Let's all have a drink to break some of this awkward tension," Yuu laughed, patting my back. "What do ya guys say?"

"We have our own plans-"

"Hai." Takano said, nodding. "We'll have a drink."

"Nani?" Yokozawa questioned, his facial expressions turning sour. As they talked, Yanase looked at me.

"You need to make up your mind now. Are you trying to make him jealous or not?"

"H-Huh?!"

"It's a yes or no question, Onodera."

 _Say no._ "I, uhh.."

 _You don't want to be like that._ "Um, i..I-I…"

 _You're smarter than this! You'll only regret it!_ "N...N…"

 _No._ "Hai!" My eyes widened as the words left my mouth. What the fuck did I just do? I don't want to, that's not me..why did I do that?!

Yanase smirked dangerously and nodded. "Hai... _Oda-san."_

Anger filled me as he called me that. As soon as he said that, Takano's eyes darted to us, piercing Yanase with hatred and other emotions. Yanase bent down and slowly gripped the ribbon that he had previously taken off. Lightly, he gripped my hips and turned my body to face him. Reaching around my waist, he secured the ribbon, pulling me closer as he tightened it. Our noses were centimeters aways from each other. "Let's get going, yeah?" he whispered. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away.

"Y-you were too close, Yanase."

"I don't think I was close enough."

I inhaled quickly as I heard these words. I turned around and shook my head, unaware of what I should've done. I had never been in a situation like this, so it was confusing and quite..odd. whatever this was, I hated it. I should've never agreed to this. It was only confusing my feelings even more. This wasn't helping at all, it was only making things worse.

Yanase turned towards the other two. "Let's get going, yea?" He began walking, the other two following behind him. I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind of all confusing and bad things. I quickly opened my eyes as fingers entwined in my hair, almost as if to pat my head.

"Hurry, or you'll be left behind, Ritsu."

"Takano…"

* * *

The four of us sat on our knees, surrounding the small wooden table. A nice young lady walked in and set a bucket of ice, that held wine, down onto the table. She bowed, and respectfully left, closing the door behind her. Yanase was the first to grab the bottle and pour himself a drink. Then it was Takano, Yokozawa and then myself. The silence between us was making it harder to sit still, so I switched positions, sitting cross legged. Takano lightly sipped his wine.

"How were the storyboards coming along?" Takano asked.

I looked up at him. "Good. There needs to be more editing though. The artist didn't agree with some of the suggestions…" Looking into my cup, I bit my lip. "I also heard that the manuscripts wouldn't be in until tomorrow, so due to that, we won't reach the deadline."

"Does our company ever reach its deadline?" Yokozawa spat, annoyed at this news. His dark hair swayed in front of his eyes, just as Takano's did, but if course, Takano's hair looked natural the way it swayed whenever he'd move or make a quick gesture. Yokozawa's hair seemed too stiff when it was wet. It didn't look soft and silky, but more plastery then it should. I glanced back at Takano. He was leaning against the wall closest to the table with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Those coffee eyes were closed, which slightly disappointed me. When I first confessed my feelings to Takano, I was never able to look him in the eyes. Well, I wasn't able to look at his face, actually. Whenever we did it, I'd close my eyes in embarrassment, so I never saw him up close…

I looked at Yanase, who was busy drinking and eating the food in front of him. His eyes opened and they narrowed in my direction as he pulled the glass bottle from his lips. He grabbed his chopsticks, plucked food from his bowl and held it in my direction. "Want some?"

"Huh? No, I'm good-"

"Come on, Onodera, have some," he said as he shoved the piece of meat in my face. I frowned and went to take the chopsticks, but he pulled away.

"Nuh uh, Ritsu. Open wide, say ahhhhh."

My face turned hot as my eyes widened. "What? I'm not doing that!"

"Why not?"

"It's fucking weird, that's why." I folded my arms in protest. "It's my not eating that."

"Hm…" A dangerous smirk spread across Yanase's face. "Looks like I'll have to make ya." He stood up and stood over me.

"Wh-what are you doing?!"

He sat on my lap and smiled evilly as our noses touched. He brought the piece of food up to my mouth and prodded my lips with it."Open wide, Onodera."

I glared at him. _Just push him off and kick him in the testies! Throw the food on him and run out! Now!_

"O-no-der-ahhhhh. Oh-pen wiiiide." He pushed himself closer to me, almost sitting on my hips.

"If I eat it will you get off of me?" I whispered quiet enough to ensure Takano and Yokozawa didn't hear.

Yanase's lips closed in on my right ear and whispered back, "Only if you eat it." He pulled back and grinned. "Only Nocera, don't make me tell you again."

I slowly opened my mouth, the blush still covering my cheeks. Yanase stopped smiling as he placed the food on my tongue, retracting the chopsticks. I closed my mouth and chewed my food as Yanase crawled off my lap and sat in front of his bowl and wine bottle once again. The food was delicious, there was no denying that. The texture felt nice against my tongue and the savory flavor sent tingles through my taste buds. The pork was somewhat salty, but not over seasoned.

"If you guys want private time we can leave, you don't need to do that in front of us."

I looked in the direction of the voice and saw Takano, a death glare set on his face and his eyes were ice cold, almost scaring me. His frown was unpleasant and creepy and his aura was dark and ominous. I frowned and looked away. I had totally spaced out Takano and Yokozawa were still there. I was too focused on how to get Yanase off of me. My eyes widened. _Was...was Takano jealous? Is that why he looks so pissed? Well..no because if he was jealous Yokozawa would've said something by now...did we really just make them feel uncomfortable?_

"If you didn't like it, you could've left at any moment," Yanase said with a mouthful of food. Yokozawa scoffed at him as he brought his glass back up to his lips.

"It's unprofessional, that's all," Yokozawa said.

"We came here to get away from professional work," Takano said with a frown. Yokozawa rolled his eyes as Takano shook his head.

"We should probably head back to our room."

"I call the bed," Takano said.

"Nani? No, I get the bed. We'll just share."

My eyes saddened. _They're sharing a room? And a bed? Why didn't they get their own room? Or..their own bed? Was Takano planning on sleeping with Yokozawa here? Why though? Didn't he tell Yokozawa he had feeling for_ _ **me**_ _? Didn't he tell him to stop trying to get at_ _ **him**_ _?_ Emotions ran through my head as the two taller ones stood up. Panic ran through my body as they made their way to the sliding door. _I need to do something. They can't sleep together! It's not right! They..they can't do it!_

"Onodera?"

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but blue-black cloth. The smell seemed to peak the small hairs on the back of my neck and I looked up. My heart dropped as I realized I was hugging Takano from behind. My face was buried in his back as my arms wrapped around his abdomen, my hands squeezing the cloth. I blushed and stood still. I wanted to pull away but...why was being so close to Takano making me feel so... _warm?_ So safe and loved….why was I feeling so secure next to him?

"Onodera…" The cloth pulled itself away from me as Takano turned around to face me. He grabbed me by the chin and pulled my face closer. "I'll see you tomorrow." He pulled my face closer, so close that our noses were rubbing against each other. His eyes closed and mine widened. _No..not here!_

I felt a pain in my back as I hit the wooden floor. Hands grabbed my robe and pulled me halfway up so that I was supporting my weight with my elbows and forearms. Lips smashed against mine and I gasped. My eyes flicked open, seeing Yanase on top of me, kissing my lips, and Takano and Yokozawa in the background, glares set on both of their faces. I pulled away from Yanase and went to speak but he cut me off as he turned, to face Takano, and said, "Don't kiss my boyfriend. It's impolite."

Takano's glare faded and was soon replaced by a solemn expression. He turned around and left the room, followed by Yokozawa. I forcefully pushed Yanase off and wiped my mouth.

"What was that for!"

"You said you wanted to make him jealous," Yanase said as he stood up.

"I never said you could KISS me!"

"How else was I supposed to make him jealous?" Yanase laughed. "Bye the way, do you always keep your lips shut so tight when you kiss?"

I blushed and held my mouth. "Shut up!"

Yanase rolled his eyes and stretched. "Let's head back to the room. I'm beat and need to sleep."

"Mhm." I quickly got up and the two of us made it to our room.

The rest of the time we spent there, we didn't run into Yokozawa or Takano. So, for the time being, we went to the open bathhouse and attended small festivals. We tried exotic foods and, on our way home. We delayed our train because we watched a firework show. Taking Yanase with me was a bad, yet good idea. We were able to get along well once the incident with Takano passed by. We talked about literature, which he didn't know much about, and art, which I didn't know much about. It was fun to educated myself on things I never knew about. Yanase said he'd stay up for nights without sleep just to finish his share of the illustrations. Yoshino's storyboards were easy to follow. They were clean and well thought out thanks to the editor, Hatori. Yanase told me how awkward it felt having to work with Tori since they both had mutual feelings for Yoshino. Yoshino was clueless, which frustrated Yanase more than half the time.

I learned a lot of new things while I was gone for such a short period of time, and I enjoyed learning about everything. Except for the thing I learned when we had arrived back home.

"What? He's transferring?!"

Kisa yawned tiredly, sitting his head on his desk. "Yes...Yes..He needs..to be placed..where he isn't a bother."

"When has he ever been a bother to you guys?" Chiaki said sadly. "Tori, why'd he leave?"

"Yoshini, it's none of your concern," Hatori said. "Let the editors take care of this."

Chiaki glared at Hatori. "I have just as much right to know, don't I?"

"Well...I guess, but it doesn't really impact you since Hatori's your editor." I scratched my head. "What are we going to do with Takano's artists? Just leave them without an editor?"

"I'll take care of half of Takano's work," Hatori said solemnly. "Onodera, I assume you won't have any problem dealing with the other half?"

"Huh? I-i'm not ready yet-" _Wait..your goal is to become a professional editor. A better editor than Takano. I can get through this._ I bowed. "Hai!" After we had gotten everything settled, I headed back home.

I could already tell none of this would end well. Was Takano leaving because I was an annoyance? Would...would me apologizing keep him here? What do I need to apologize for? I didn't do anything. No...it would best for him to leave. I'd finally be able to concentrate on work with nothing standing in my way. I wouldn't have Takano constantly yelling at me every second.

Before I knew it, I arrived at home. I stared up at the apartments and sighed. Entering, I started feeling sick, as if my stomach warning me about something. I shrugged it off and entered the elevator, slowly making my way up to my floor. The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open, revealing a scene that I should've never witnessed. The hall was full of packing boxes, which were stacked on top of each other, surrounding the two males. One was pressed against the stack of boxes while the other was pressing against him, his legs in between the others and their lips stuck together like glue. Of course, my heart sunk. The little hope I had left, died. The little life _I_ had, left. Nothing compared to this pain. Not even the time _he_ laughed at me when I asked if he loved me hurt this much….

" _T...Takano…."_


	5. Confessions?

**Sorry I haven't updated for a bit. I've been busy with school and what not, and I've been going through some serious problems, so I'm sorry if it starts taking longer to update my stories. I hope you guys enjoy.**

 **(** _ **Also, all of your request will be out before April 20th. Sorry it's taking so long, I just wasn't expecting so many requests, haha.)**_

* * *

 _ **Re-cap~**_

 _Before I knew it, I arrived at home. I stared up at the apartments and sighed. Entering, I started feeling sick, as if my stomach warning me about something. I shrugged it off and entered the elevator, slowly making my way up to my floor. The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open, revealing a scene that I should've never witnessed. The hall was full of packing boxes, which were stacked on top of each other, surrounding the two males. One was pressed against the stack of boxes while the other was pressing against him, his legs in between the others and their lips stuck together like glue. Of course, my heart sunk. The little hope I had left, died. The little life I had, left. Nothing compared to this pain. Not even the time he laughed at me when I asked if he loved me hurt this much…._

" _T...Takano…."_

 _ **End re-cap~**_

Not knowing what to do, nor how to feel, i just layed in bed, staring at my blank ceiling. My actions from the previous days raced through my mind and my heart grew cold and dense. Why would Takano do something like that? For 2 years, he's been bothering me about how much he loved me. About how _I_ was the only one he loved. What would he gain from hurting me again? Pride? No more self-guilt from high school? When I thought about it….was _I_ really the one that hurt him? Have I really gotten it wrong this whole time? Maybe...Maybe I was the one that hurt him. Maybe that's why he hurt me...he wanted to get me back.

Knowing this made me almost feel guilty. I wanted to walk up to Takano and demand an answer. I needed answers! I was tired of always assuming and being wrong. I wanted to know the truth. I didn't want any assumptions from either side! I stood from the bed and walked out of my room, making my way to the door. I slipped my shoes on and froze as a knock came from my door. I looked up and breathed in deeply as time stopped. Another knock came, followed by a voice.

"Oi, Onodera."

 _Takano..._ I stood back from the door slowly, making sure he didn't hear that I was close. What was he doing here? I thought he had left earlier with Yokozawa. Why was he still at the apartments?

I gasped as I saw my door open, Takano entering with a solemn expression. His eyes met mine and my heart began to race. How did you get in here?!"

Takano held up a single key. "Under your door mat."

I gulped and stared at him. "What do you want? Shouldn't you be gone?"

"...I came back. I needed to get something off of my chest."

"I don't care what problems you have, don't come vent to me, go vent to Yokozawa-"

Takano slammed his fist against the wall and yelled, "You've always made theses damn assumptions about me and Yokozawa! There's nothing between us. We. Are. Just. _Friends."_ He sighed annoyingly. "If anything, shouldn't I be the one with assumptions? You and Yanase made out. He called you his boyfriend!"

"I'm not! We're both guys-"

"Oh, shut up! That's your excuse no matter what! How do you think I felt when you confessed your love to me!? I told you it was disgusting, but I stopped lying to myself and tried loving!" Takano inhaled deeply, and in a much quieter voice, he said, "If you're really stuck on thinking I was the one that hurt you, go ahead." His hand slid down the wall as he walked my way. I slowly stepped backwards, trying to keep my distance. My foot slipped on some storyboards and I fell backwards, falling onto my back. A grunt escaped my mouth as Takano slowly got on top of me, holding my hands down against the floor.

My eyes stared back at him, confused and very unsure of what to say. His hand caressed my head, fingers entangled into my hair. His face got closer, but there was no kiss. He placed his face against my cheek, his breath tickling my ear.

"I'll say sorry as many times as it takes. Stop making assumptions, Ritsu."

"Get off of me, Takano-san."

"No."

I frowned as I struggled, wanting him to free me and get out of the house. "Takano-"

"You can't make assumptions of me dating someone when you're the one that's kissing, getting fed and sleeping with someone. It's unfair-"

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT FAIR OR NOT, I SAW YOU KISSING YOKOZAWA LAST NIGHT!" Tears sprang from the corners of my eyes as I spoke. "D-Do you think I like b-being played with like a t-toy? I don't! I...it hurts to be played with for the second time by..by the one I love!"

 _The one…..I love?_

Takano's eyes widened in surprise as he heard the words come out of my mouth. "You saw?"

I looked away. "I wish I didn't…."

I closed my eyes, trying to hold back more tears that were trying to get out. This was too much to take in. I didn't want to deal with any of this. It wasn't my ideal of how to spend the one day I didn't have work. But what did it matter? Nothing ever went my way. Never. My eyes shot open as Takano's arms embraced me, holding me closely. It was warm, soft, _caring._ It was something….I enjoyed. His hand continued to caress my head as he exhaled.

" _I'm sorry, Ritsu._ "

"Huh?"

" _I'm sorry you had to see Yokozawa do that. It wasn't a mutual thing. I refused to move in with him. If anything, I told him I wasn't going to go anywhere alone with him. I reminded him that I told him to give up because I love you. And nothing was going to change my mind about it."_

"Takano…" I looked up at him as his lips got closer to mine. He stared into my eyes.

"I love you, _Oda."_

" _...Senpai.."_

His eyes closed as our lips connected. I held onto his shirt, not letting him leave me. I didn't want him to go, not now. I wanted his presence with me tonight….for now…. _for ever_. I needed him. I wanted him. I didn't want to let go. Takano….was special to me.

He pulled away and I looked up at him. His eyes stared at me in a way they had never done before. I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to hug me again. I wanted him to love me again. I wanted _him again._

"Ritsu." He kissed my cheek and helped me up. "Do you love me yet?"

"...Huh?"

"Do you love me yet?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Baka….."

"Even if the answer is no, I'll make sure you confess your love for me before the end of this year."

"Impossible…" I looked away, staring at the floor. "That's in four more months. If I haven't had the balls to confess to you in two years, what makes you think I will in four months?..."

"So..you do love me, then?"

Realizing what I just said, I blushed, shaking my head quickly. "I-I never said that."

Takano smiled and let go of me, kissing my forehead. "Have a Goodnight, Ritsu." He turned around and left, closing the door behind him. I stood there, not know what my next move should be. Should I have confronted him then? No...it wasn't the right thing. Maybe….I was being dramatic. It was whatever at that point. I needed to sleep it off. I needed to think everything through. I had already come to the fact that I still loved Takano when Yokozawa had a talk with me.

" _Do you love Masamune?"_

" _...Yes…"_

"Uhhhhhggg!" I walked to my room and plopped onto the bed with an exasperated sigh, frowning and shoving the pillow in my face. I closed my eyes, wanted the relaxing feeling of calmness and contentment. Slowly, i began to drift to sleep, memory becoming fuzzy and unsure of what reality truly was.

* * *

 _Sometimes i never would've imagined that my Senpai felt the same for me as I did towards him. It was...confusing and unwelcoming at first, but the struggles payed off. We were sitting in my bedroom, relaxing after some…"messing around". He was buttoning up his shirt, and I was rubbing the wrinkles out of my pants. The top four buttons on my shirt were unbuttoned and i sat there, staring at Saga-Senpai. I swallowed and my cheeks turned pink from embarrassment as I grabbed a fist full of my pants._

" _Senpai?"_

" _Hm?"_

" _Are...we together? Like, dating?"_

 _It went quiet and I froze. This silence didn't feel right. It felt bad._

" _Heh heh," Senpai snickered._

" _H-Huh?" Did he just laugh at me? Laugh at my question? Was….was he making fun of me? Was he mocking me? What...what was his deal?_

" _Hm?" Senpai looked at me. "Oda-"_

" _Get out!"_

" _Huh?"_

 _I clenched my teeth together and stood from the bed, shoving Senpai off as well. "Get out! Leave, right now!"_

" _Oda-" He reached out to me and my eyes darkened as I swung my foot up, kicking him in the face. My foot came into contact with his cheek and he stumbled back. I glared at him. "Get out, Saga-Senpai!"_

 _He stare at the ground, then left, leaving me to be alone in my room. I felt so humiliated. I had no words to describe the way i was feeling at the time. All I wanted to do was hide under a rock until it was time to for me to die. Why couldn't I just disappear from life; from reality? I needed to leave…..I couldn't face Senpai again…_

 ** __._._\/_._.__**

 _I stayed home again for the fifth time this week. I didn't dare show up at school and see Senpai. I didn't want to deal with him, or anyone. I sat in my room, finishing up my packing. I frowned, slightly afraid of moving over seas to go to school abroad. I felt as if this was the best thing to do at the time. I'd be with different people and learn new things._

" _Ricchan!"_

 _I looked over as An walked in with a smile set on her face. "I hope you enjoy your time there, Ricchan!"_

" _Haha...Thanks An."_

" _Take lots of picture for me, alright?"_

" _Mhm.."_

 _This was going to change who I would be. I would no longer be the same Ritsu, all vulnerable and sweet. I'd learn how to defend myself...how to tell people no...how to never love again…._

* * *

Shouta groaned tiredly as he slapped the papers down onto his desk. It was the end of the cycle, and also the fourth week without Takano. Hatori yawned tiredly as he looked over at me, the bags under his eyes were deep and his eye color seemed very faded. I drowsily looked back at him. He frowned and stood up, walking to the printer. I got up and followed him, needing to speak with him. He turned around to look at me as I grinned.

"Hatori. I need to talk to you about something…"

"Are you wondering about Takano?"

"Huh? Erm, n-no. I'm not."

"Ah..I see. Everyone's been asking me about him." He scoffed. "Why the Hell would I know, of all people to know, why me?"

I frowned seeing Hatori this stressed. He usually only stressed over Yoshino and his storyboards, so it was somewhat concerning seeing him stressed over other things. "U-uh, how's Chiaki's story coming along?"

"...Fairly well." He looked away, obviously not in the mood for my bickering. "He might actually get done before the deadline."

"Oh, well that's great!"

"It's thanks to you, Onodera."

I froze. "Eh?"

Hatori turned around, holding more papers. "Chiaki was excited that you were able to be his editor once again. I guess you could say he feels more motivated with you doing it."

"Or he just doesn't wanna make you feel responsible for his fuck ups," Shouta said with an enthusiastic laugh as he entered the room.

I felt saddened by hearing him say this because it was true! "Yeah..hahahahaha.." I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Hatori as he tiredly glared at Shouta. "Hatori...do you think Yoshino could take a small break today after I get off? One of the authors I use to work with wants to speak to me and...I don't really wanna go alone. Well, it'd be easier to go alone, but not quite the most….comfortable thing to do alone."

" _Onodera. Stop setting all the meeting dates to the morning. I am not a morning person."_

" _Well, learn to wake up in the morning, then."_

" _No."_

" _Yes."_

" _No. "_

" _Uhg, Baka, why not?!"_

" _Suzuki-san needs to sleep until noon."_

A shiver ran down my spine as the memory slowly coiled back into a deep, black hole in my mind. Hatori smiled at me. "Of course. I'll call him now."

He walked out, leaving Shouta and me alone. I frowned as i stared at him. "Kisa, have you ever been anything else other than a manga editor?"

Kisa looked at me with a smile. "Nah. I've worked here ever since I was old enough to. It's always something I enjoyed doing, so it's been a perfect fit." He tapped his chin. "You use to edit for big authors who wrote litterature, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, I mainly worked with one, but that's only because he requested I did. He….had some problems, but was usually….. _calm_ most of the time."

"What was his name?"

I glared at the floor as the annoying memories came back. _"Akihiko Usami."_


End file.
